LONDON:  Starting with a high profile presence at a series of London media award ceremonies, Columbia Tourism is seeking to reduce costs among both agencies and media owners through the provision of very large quantities of cocaine, PlannerBuyer has exclusively learned.
The deal has been met with unbridled enthusiasm at agency and media owner alike, from those on the shop floor to very senior players.
Details are unclear as yet as to how the nosebag will be distributed but PlannerBuyer was at a recent night out celebrating the inking of the deal …

LONDON – Starting next month Media Wars will hit our screens. The programme will pit Media Owners against each other and Media Agencies against each other in street fights, cage matches and pitched battles. Each week the losing company will be closed and up to 1500 people will lose their livelihood.
The first week matches Adrevenue against Vastclick in what is said to be quite a spectacle, and Wediacom against BigMunchMedia in what is being billed as the first potential giant killing.
Media bosses have been keen to get involved saying …

London – Wahey UK is set to counter criticisms of ‘no innovation’ levelled at it recently. As of today the sales teams will be taking the contents of the stationary cupboard with them to agency sales meetings.
Les Dennis, newly hired UK head of spades is excited, ‘Stationary is just the beginning. My team are already eyeing up the office soft furnishings and you should see some of the stuff we’ve found in the cellar.
We’re confident this is just the sort of added value our clients are seeking. If not we …

LONDON – MAAUW part of the Bloated Media Group today announced radical plans today to get rid of all telephones as part of their efficiency drive. According to Richard, Head of Enterprise And Development, the agency is 23% less efficient because planning and buying teams were spending too much time on the phones.
“We need to run a tight ship here, and I’m the Captain of the Vessel. I’m the Big Cheese, the The Big Kahuna, the Daddy, the Man…..” etc etc
“Our planners are the life blood of this agency; …

OK, I can no longer tolerate the cataclysmically poor programming consistently doled out by myriad TV channels. I single out ITV for particular crucifixion but the other culprits know who they are.
Listen up! I have a couple of programming ideas you can take to the bank.
1) High Street Musical.
Find an ailing retail chain. Audition the staff for parts in an actual musical with a self referential story about saving the retail chain. Get the couchbound pizza chewing public to vote by phone – hence delivering revenue to the retail chain and …

Police have been called in to Carat, part of the Aegis Group, this morning to investigate the mystery explosion of one of their Media Analysts.  Carl Brown 14, originally from Durham, exploded all over the place at 10.00 yesterday spreading guts right across the room.
The cause of this appalling act is as yet unclear.  Carls’s manager Brian Cox commented that “this is most unlike Carl.  He had come in this morning complaining of feeling well, but I thought nothing of it, just another hangover after a freebie night out.”.  Police …