LIVERPOOL – Top Media buying agency Digital IQ have unveiled their latest technology to help clients achieve the holy grail of CPA campaigns. The technology, which is due to be implemented in June, scans a users computer once an advertisement is shown and uses any banking details stored on the computer to automatically make multiple purchases of the advertised product.

In tests the agency has recorded a 120% acquisition rate against advertisement views. Managing Director, Ronald Biggs said, “This is an exciting development on the ROI focussed market place. Clients …

“In the spirit of Christmas and the never ending self promotion, a celebrity agency has been set up under the tutelage of media mogul Janet Street Porter. In Janet’s own words the challenge was not so much to highlight any good causes or give something back but, “to see if we could take these useless fuckers and make some bloody cash for me out of these spineless sales shits.”

Her planning and buying staff include Simon Cowell, Jordan, and Kerry Katona.

“So far I think we have the media …

LONDON – MAAUW part of the Bloated Media Group today announced radical plans today to get rid of all telephones as part of their efficiency drive. According to Richard, Head of Enterprise And Development, the agency is 23% less efficient because planning and buying teams were spending too much time on the phones.
“We need to run a tight ship here, and I’m the Captain of the Vessel. I’m the Big Cheese, the The Big Kahuna, the Daddy, the Man…..” etc etc
“Our planners are the life blood of this agency; …