Apologies but as a piece of work this is too good to miss the opportunity to show how advertising should be done.  Clearly Plannerbuyer cannot condone any sexist implications made by this video….

TIMBUKTU – At the recent MSCA’s ( Media Self Congratulatory Awards ) the guest of honour, Prime Minister Gordon Brown delivered a staggering outburst on his opinion of the age old agency vs media owner divide in attempt to deflect from the current expenses debacle his crooked party are involved in.
‘ Agencies? – don’t get me started. Those c***s really grip my shit. With all that ‘Labour isn’t working’ hooey. They’re the ones not fucking working and if any of them come to me with a begging bowl to bail …

LONDON:  Starting with a high profile presence at a series of London media award ceremonies, Columbia Tourism is seeking to reduce costs among both agencies and media owners through the provision of very large quantities of cocaine, PlannerBuyer has exclusively learned.
The deal has been met with unbridled enthusiasm at agency and media owner alike, from those on the shop floor to very senior players.
Details are unclear as yet as to how the nosebag will be distributed but PlannerBuyer was at a recent night out celebrating the inking of the deal …

LONDON – WPLPRCSCMG is to close its wedia.com arm and replace it with something else pretty similar but with a spangly name, ‘Trendy Interactive Trendy Stuff’
‘We’ve noticed some other agencies doing stuff and it looks like fun’, said a senior executive. ‘ With a bit of luck we may be able to wangle some new chairs too ‘.
Asked for further explanation the executive waxed lyrical “Interactive stuff is very important, yeah, and that outdoor stuff and TV as well.”
“We hadn’t had a brainstorm for, like over an hour so after …

MEXICO CITY – Hailed as a media first today, Cerveceria Modelo’s Marketing Director, Honcho Funki Porcini has announced that the Corona pale lager brand will be launching a global joint marketing campaign with Swine Flu.

“ donde esta mi burro? “ Claimed Honcho, after which Dark Side employed the use of a translator.

“ It’s an historic moment “ Honcho carried on, “ we feel that Swine Flu’s aggressive push for global expansion in such a short space of time is just the kind of impetus we need to maintain …

London – Wahey UK is set to counter criticisms of ‘no innovation’ levelled at it recently. As of today the sales teams will be taking the contents of the stationary cupboard with them to agency sales meetings.
Les Dennis, newly hired UK head of spades is excited, ‘Stationary is just the beginning. My team are already eyeing up the office soft furnishings and you should see some of the stuff we’ve found in the cellar.
We’re confident this is just the sort of added value our clients are seeking. If not we …

OK, I can no longer tolerate the cataclysmically poor programming consistently doled out by myriad TV channels. I single out ITV for particular crucifixion but the other culprits know who they are.
Listen up! I have a couple of programming ideas you can take to the bank.
1) High Street Musical.
Find an ailing retail chain. Audition the staff for parts in an actual musical with a self referential story about saving the retail chain. Get the couchbound pizza chewing public to vote by phone – hence delivering revenue to the retail chain and …

SILICON VALLEY – “Google has posted its first sequential decline in its history in the first quarter of 2009, and admitted it is “feeling the impact” of a tough economic environment” says MediaTweak.
‘DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!’ I suspect will be the tinny robotic cry from the silicon tower. Well boo fucking hoo.  You and your army of MBA/1st class honours students commoditised the online display market.  Now factors outside your control ( DOES NOT COMPUTE! ) are shafting you. This is how it feels.
You could perhaps sell a …

I am strongly considering hiring a new salesperson. Specifically, a tramp.

This bright idea dawned on me in a stupor business meeting in a bustling media friendly Covent Garden hostelry. Now you may think this idea lacks merit but try these on for size:-

1) Most of my agency clients look like tramps so it will be a sartorial meeting of minds. Admittedly, your average agency hipster smells a little better than a tramp but their annunciation is usually poor to the point of being mistaken for the mewling of …